Second RSS Awards

And the Platinum Pustule for Really Stupid Song goes to The Black Eyed Peas.

Reputed to be “one of the most popular hit singles in history”, the song is called My Humps. It’s also probably one of the most complained-about songs in history so unfortunately we’re not breaking any new ground here. Most recently parodied by Alanis Morrissette as an April fool joke, you can find her version plus the original on any one of a dozen video hosting sites, if you feel like clubbing some brain cells to death.

I can barely bring myself to put these lyrics in here, partly because they make my mind so numb I can hardly remember how to copypaste, and partly because they might act like google fly paper and then, well, there goes the neighbourhood. A sample, nevertheless:

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
my lovin' got you
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

…and so on.

I wish they’d invent a pill for radio intolerance, because it puts a person at a terrible disadvantage. I think if I could hum along to songs about girls who feel wretched about cheatin’ on their guy and feel they may as well be puttin’ a gun to his head but they really just can’t help it, I could quite enjoy life. That’s Rihanna, and she takes runner up for her song “Unfaithful”.

LyricBlokka TM, get it now at these fine stores. I’d be in there like a shot.

Nominations for the next Awards welcome. To qualify, songs must have actual lyrics but needn’t be current hits.

RSS Awards

Welcome to the first monthly Really Stupid Song Awards.

Runner-up: Shakira. She sings, “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble so you don’t confuse them with the mountains.” This song narrowly missed the top spot because something might have gotten lost in the translation, as so often happens. The song was probably even stupider in Spanish, but this is an English award.
And the winner is: Barbra Streisand and Barry Gibb for Stranger in a Strange Land, the ultimate soundtrack to a delusion. Barbra sings, “I write a letter every single day to a stranger in a strange land far away.” Barry sings, “Da-dada-da dadada-da-dada”… They’re so… happy! Starry-voiced and wrapped in warm, fudgy vanilla emotion. Little flocks of bluebirds dart through the song, you can see the rainbows stretched across sparkling waterfalls. A pink butterfly flutters coyly on each phrase. Lambs and lions lie down in dewy pastures, and in the hazy distance you can see a little nuclear family skipping along, waving goodbye to “somebody’s son” who’s going off to fight “somebody else’s war” with a flask of hot chocolate tucked into his rucksack.

Congrats Barbra and Barry! You win a fools-gold-plated copy of Springbok Hits Country Style (the one with Barbara’s Daughter and Snakes Crawl at Night, around summer ’81 – “I am Barbara’s daughter, I am Barbara’s child”; “Oh the snakes crawl at night, that’s what they sa-ay, when the sun goes down, then the snakes do pla-ay”), and a big box of Quality Street.

Nominations for next month’s award can be posted to Comments. To qualify, songs must have actual lyrics, but needn’t be current hits.