A belated account, in three parts, for Dio.

Part I

In which an expedition is undertaken...

During my July expedition to Hermanus, I pondered over how few whales were frolicking in that comely bay. I began discreet enquiries as to the whereabouts of the great beasts. A local fisherman suggested that perhaps it might be a little early in the season and that I ought to consider myself lucky to have seen any at all. However, his toothless smile, twinkly eyes and candid manner did not fool me! My sharp instincts in these matters led me to consider the possibility of a scandalous conspiracy. Just then, my good father received a telephonic communication from my godfather in Amanzimtoti. With keen interest I learned from my father that my godfather and his wife were sitting on their lawn watching whales. In Amanzimtoti. We have always suspected my godfather and his wife of nefarious activities, and now here was proof.

“By gum, Daddy!” I exclaimed excitedly, “They have whales in Amanzimtoti and we don’t have any here in Hermanus!”

“Indeed, indeed,” mused my good father bemusedly, “Most curious indeed. Daughter, we must exert ourselves tirelessly in pursuit of a solution to this perplexing puzzle! We have always suspected your godfather and his wife of nefarious activities, and now here is proof!”

“Yes!!!” I enthused with enthusiasm.


Part II

In which the intrepid sleuths tirelessly pursue their instincts...

And so it was that we spent the week relentlessly wandering the charming cliff-paths and the beaches and the rockpools, with great courage fighting off bloodthirsty Tourists, Sabre-Toothed Dassies and deranged Whale Criers, stopping only too briefly for replenishment at various pubs, restaurants and coffee shops, and it was most exertional. We found no further clues. We even made two sub-expeditions to Kalk Bay, hoping to glean information from intellectuals with old grey-muzzled dogs in antique bookshoppes or arty types in quaint alleys, or indeed from the waiter at the Brass Bell, but alas.

News of our mission had spread, and those in the know had detected our stealthy footsteps on patina’d pavements, and had obviously gone to sit in their wretched little hillside houses to peer out from behind their genuine sash windows, smugly. I also tried, in vain, to obtain the autographs of Ann Donald and Finnuala Dowling, neither of whom was anywhere to be seen. I suspected that this was because they were in on the conspiracy. I noted their reticence, and marked them down on my trusty Suspicious Persons list.

In due course I returned home to Johannesburg, no closer to solving the mysterious mystery of the whales that we did not see in Hermanus but that my godfather and his wife did see in Amanzimtoti. Just then, I received a missive from Secret Agent S. It treated on a conference by SAUFOR (South Africa's Unidentified Flying Objects Resource) on the shameful covering-up of extraterrestrial technologies by Authorities and suchlike. Also mentioned was the Relatively Very Recent Incident in Port Shepstone, in which a spaceship was observed crashing into the sea by a great many eye witlesses. Authorities have to date found no trace of that spaceship and have expressed doubt as to its status as a spaceship at all, preferring instead to placate citizens with fairytales about weather phenomena etc, etc. But as we know, Authorities are always lying.

So I joined the dots, crossed my eyes, and came to a startling conclusion that I will now reveal to you!


Part III

In which a conclusion is reached, a revelation made, and a follow up expedition is followed up...

I will now reveal that:

My godfather and his wife were working for the aliens, in cahoots with Authorities, and had arranged for most of the whales to be in the Durban area whilst everybody who usually knows where to look for whales was looking for them in the Hermanus area, so that the heinous aliens might thus abduct our whales, undetected, from those Natalian waters! HA! We had always suspected my godfather and his wife of nefarious activities!

“Oh, Daddy!” I emoted, emotionally, “We cannot let the aliens escape with our whales, no, never! They can take our lives but they’ll never take our whales!”

“I concur most vigorously, Daughter!” My good father concurred, vigorously. “I will at once invite the traitorous pair to HQ here in Hermanus under a pretext, and lock them in my shed until your Mother returns from Cornwall!”
With this, he invited the traitorous pair to his house for the weekend under a pretext, where, as promised, he lured them into his garden shed, and where they presently remain.

I am happy to report that during my most recent expedition, from which I am now returned as you might surmise, we had some evidence that our brave plan has indeed foiled the terrible plot to abduct our Whales! Yes! There are more whales in that good bay right now than there are geeks at a gaming convention!

:-)