Enlightenment Lite

Finally, the self-help DVD we’ve all been waiting for. Have your cake and eat it too. You, also, can become god. Forget your troubles, c’mon get happy. See the movie “What the Bleep Do We Know” now, or cook it up in your kitchen.

Here’s the recipe*:

Layer the following in a large plastic bowl -

Metaphysical mixed berries (skinned and seedless)
A handful of new seasonal fruits (NLP etc)
Pasteurised Quantum Theory custard (fat free, sugar free)
Fingers of assimilated but unrealised eastern mystic sponge cake (both Fabulous GuruTM and The Monk Without The Monastery!TM are good brands for this dessert)
Interconnectedness (Patronising consumer version) jelly
A tot of God liqueur

Serve chilled with a sprig of fresh Political Correctness.

*A helping of this should cause no discomfort other than a very temporary high. However, should you eat the whole bowlful, you’ll need gastric lavage and a good slap, and two years community service mopping floors at a government hospital of your choice, during which you will receive a compulsory weekly debriefing with, alternately, Desmond Tutu and Lin Sampson. You might emerge with your feet firmly back on the ground and able to once again tread the little footpaths of your own earthly human existence, the coming-to-terms-with of which is what your life is actually for. But we can’t promise this.


Here, by Popular Demand, is the FAQ…


1. What is Pandora’s Aquarium?

1.1 It’s a song by Tori Amos -
I am not asking you to believe in me. Boy I think you’re confused I’m not Persephone.

1.2 It’s a version of Walter Battiss’ Fook Island, but less messy and without the code-speak, and you don’t need to be Fooked to visit, you just need to be able to survive the End Of Days. And, it has recipes plus incredibly subjective, sometimes emotional, and even occasionally incendiary, book and movie reviews. It’s a sort of attic soup kitchen, the main stage for a largely unwritten-as-yet but partly illustrated comic, which is a version of Sandman but with less Sax & Violins and more mermaids. When only a single comic series of this ilk exists, one has no choice but to copy it. Neil Gaiman set the bar so high that I will probably be dead before I am finished. Thanks so much Neil.



2. Why are you doing this blogging thing?

I’m not sure.

I need a soapbox? No that’s not it. Because I have too much time on my hands? Possibly. I did the blogger code questionnaire and I have double minus scores for most questions so it isn’t because I’m a geek who lives the internet high-life either. In fact, I’m a Luddite. Go on, laugh. Hack me, it’s so easy. We’ll see who wins one day when the lights go out, and they will. I will have vegetables in my garden and you technological geniuses will have to eat your motherboards.

3. Are you some kind of religious nut?

No.

4. So why do you sometimes use religious language?

Because it’s melodramatic.

5. What do you do for a living?

Absolutely nothing official at the moment. I used to be a designer but now I wouldn’t even design you so much as one corporate nametag even if you paid me a million bucks. Ok, for a million bucks I would but I want the money up front.

6. Can you really cook?

Yes.